


When A Douchebag's a Friend

by Anonymous



Category: South Park
Genre: Adulthood, Aged-Up Character(s), Jobs, M/M, Short One Shot, Superhero powers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-07
Updated: 2019-04-07
Packaged: 2020-01-06 08:54:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18385133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Craig meets up with the New Kid by chance as an adult





	When A Douchebag's a Friend

Craig looked at the clock on the wall. He was waiting with his coworkers for the arrival of a big advertising company executives. Their work could see a big boost in interest and investing with a successful campaign add. 

Normally Craig would call bullshit on expecting the results that were first shot their direction. They were a ‘conservative’ estimate as well in order to not over sell their outcome. Really anything else he would definitely call bullshit but the company had results. Like really good results with companies that were traditionally very low markets as well.

Astronomy was one of those fields and Craig was willing to keep quiet if the company could get them even the low-key results because space research didn’t get enough funding as it was. 

Unfortunately such a successful advertising company picked and choosed which companies it agreed to work with. The CEO was very involved and would drop potential clients after a bad meeting. Which made the meeting all the more important. He resisted the urge to tug at his tie.  
His lab job usually didn’t do such formality but again impressions needed to be big.

Unfortunately the company had been delayed by a traffic collision that backed up their time by at least half an hour. Soon though they would be here according to the latest update. 

He looked at his boss, she was sweating out of nerves. The poor woman had gone to refresh at least twice. Craig knew he would probably be out of a job if this didn’t pay off. Private sector work was better paying than working for the government and NASA but less secure. He’d been forced to take the private contractor roles with Tweek at graduate school here. 

Craig was 28 and had his PhD completed less than two years ago. Tweek had delayed college and was on his last year of graduate school. Tweek had borne the brunt of being breadwinner of the two while he got his BA then MA-PhD. Tweek came with him and even applied to programs where his school was located without complaining. 

Now they’d switched roles and he wasn’t sure how Tweek hadn’t succumb to the pressure. It made him love his husband all the more.

“The guys are on their way up. They pulled into the parking lot.” Craig stood up briefly and took a look out the window, a very expensive set of cars sat out of place in the parking lot filled with old or mid-priced vehicle.

He and his team sat in their respective seats. The door opened to the conference room. A prim middle aged woman entered first, followed by a series of men and women. They all looked self important and were dressed in clothes that looked expensive. Craig was sure the first woman’s shirt cost more than his entire outfit. 

The CEO entered last. Strolling in with a leisure walk like they would enter there even if someone had protested it. The first woman opened her mouth and had turned to his boss, she hadn’t even said a word about introductions before the words came flying out of Craig’s mouth without thought at the sight of the CEO:

“Douchebag?” The room went pin drop quiet. His boss was turning an alarming shade of red. The CEO of the advertising company turned, their style of dress still ambiguous to their gender and the familiar passive expression turned into one of confusion. Until they caught sight of the person who had called them Douchebag unabashedly. 

The normally passive face that their employees were used to did something they hadn’t seen before: break out into a massive smile. 

*C T* was signed almost too quickly for Craig to process before he signed backed *N K* awkwardly. With a stroll into the room the New Kid went to Craig and hugged him. 

It suddenly made sense why the campaign ads were so successful. The New Kid was using their superpowers of social media. Which still sounded like a fucking dumb superpower until things like this came into play. It also was why the New Kid went by that in all the time they had stayed at South Park, even being called that by the teachers as their parents changed the kid’s name at least every four months to keep the identity safe from the government.

“Jeez it’s good to see you!” He muttered as the New Kid pulled back. Their sight landed on his left hand. The sign that came quickly was that for Wonder Tweek and a question mark. Craig couldn’t keep the large smile off his face. How Tweek’s sign name became had been funny but had stayed even after they had all stopped playing superheros. 

“Yeah. We got married before I started college. We wanted to invite you but you weren’t on any social media accounts, you’d changed numbers, and your parents moved out of town after graduation.” The New Kid gave him an apologetic look. Craig knew why they weren’t on social media and had vanished. Craig shrugged it off. “It’s Tucker for both of us now.” A congratulations came and that they’d catch up later. He agreed. 

The New Kid turned to their people, expression passive again and signed for them to continue. Craig hadn’t ever learned what caused the New Kid to become completely mute rather than selectively mute, but it had something to do with the Mitch Conner incident. A few of the students had learned a few signs out of solidarity for the New Kid when they’d official started learning sign language. 

No one was fluent by graduation but they all tried something even when just guessing what the New Kid wanted/agreed with or writing was their normal method of communication. Even Cartman learned a few signs to recognize if he was being talked about or someone else. 

The meeting went on after that with an awkward air between everyone else. The New Kid agreed to work with them as soon as they were done with their presentation, no questions or inquiries. Just like that. Craig knew it was because he was there. He didn’t think to question it.

The meeting ended with the New Kid or “NK” as everyone called them now it seems giving them a phone number to arrange a time to meet that evening or the next with Tweek.

His coworkers wanted to know how he knew the New Kid but he said school and left it at that. Though his boss got a slightly more detailed answer so she didn't fire his ass or write him up. He didn’t know what the New Kid dealt with still or if they were still hunted by the government. He assumed that wasn’t the case with the high profile company but maybe that was their safety net, be in the open and well known so they couldn’t just vanish.

Tweek had been excited when he learned about the New Kid and agreed to meet with them whenever they were free.

Craig rarely felt nostalgic but then and there he had the urge to grab a piece of paper and write a giant S on it and proclaim he was a super version of himself. 

He was 28 years old and still with then person he’d been dating at 10. It may have just been 10 if the New Kid hadn’t helped them get back together during their stupid superhero game. 

A memory of Coonstagram came to mind. 

He saved the new contact as The Amazing Buttlord. 

It’d gotten the New Kid to break out laughing later that evening and to confirm that they were still the Amazing Buttlord if needed. 

Maybe the Freedom Pals should have a reunion.


End file.
